The Curious Case of Benjy Bummer
by supersmileys
Summary: AU - The Pawnee Parks and Rec dept, lead by Chris Traeger, is about to get a real shake-up from two state auditors. His employee, Ben, has seen it coming for years. And he's almost pleased about how his place of work might be shut down. But when Ron Swanson and Leslie Knope arrive in Pawnee, Leslie takes a shine to Pawnee and is willing to take a chance on it. Much to Ben's dismay.
1. Chapter 1

The Pawnee Parks and Recreation department is in utter chaos before the announcement of the news. Two state government auditors from Indianapolis turning up and presumably changing the entire composition of the city government? A literal nightmare. Chris Traeger's worked too damn hard with all the resources at his disposal (admittedly not a lot) to have a series of parks and facilities that are functional and sometimes even thriving.

He stands at the window of his office, his eyes gazing through the glass at all of his wonderful employees. Tom Haverford, with all of his wackadoodle ideas that liven up each and every Monday morning meeting. Donna Meagle with her level head and the way in which she keeps the office running when common sense escapes everyone else. Jerry Gergich and his insatiable commitment to the job he's had for decades, despite the fact it must seem soul draining when one has worked as a bureaucrat for this long. April Ludgate and her misplaced ability to express to people that she cares. Every morning when she scowls at Chris when he greets her, he knows he's lucky that she even acknowledges him.

His employees are currently engaged in what looks to be pop culture warfare: who deserves to win Best Picture at the Academy Awards. Tom's in possession of a microphone he found somewhere in City Hall, and he's charismatically explaining why all his co-worker's choices are utter baloney (Tom is using more colourful language, but Chris likes to swap it for less inflammatory expressions). The four of them as they snipe and bicker and cry in anguish for truce seem so happy. It's tugging at Chris' heartstrings to even consider breaking the bad news to them all. He can't possibly do it. Thankfully, he has one employee who he can always rely on to deliver the bad news when need be.

"Ben, would you step into my office for a moment please?" Ben Wyatt looks up from his work, and follows Chris back into his office. Once the door is closed, Chris pulls the blinds down on all the windows, casting the two of them into a half-light that reminds Ben of a Humphrey Bogart movie.

"Whoa, Chris, has the pink panther been stolen?" Ben asks sarcastically. An appreciative chuckle breaks through Chris' worried demeanour.

"The pink panther diamond! I love it," he replies enthusiastically before his face drops again.

"Unfortunately, no. It's much worse than that. I have literally the worst task ever to ask of you," he continues heavily.

"Oh, you want me to tell the rest of the office about the two state auditors coming here to slash our budget?" Ben's matter-of-fact tone is so casual that Chris is pleasantly surprised.

"You know me almost better than I do! Yes! That would be wonderful. Thank you, Ben. I am literally in eternal gratitude to you." Ben shrugs.

"It's no problem." He turns to re-enter the rest of the office when Chris calls him back.

"Wait! Just, uh, please make sure you're gentle with them. They're a fragile bunch, and I don't want to damage them." There's a crash from the other side of the window. The Academy Award debate has escalated to hazardous levels.

"_ALL THE OTHER MOVIES WILL SUCK AVATAR'S BIG, FAT BILLION DOLLAR DICK!" _Tom yells triumphantly.

"No way – The Blind Side has the perfect combination of a heart-warming tale and appeal to race relations without featuring too many black people! The Academy laps that shit up." Once again, Donna's astute wisdom pierces through to pinpoint the cold, hard truth that Chris so often admires of her.

"DISTRICT 9. DISTRICT 9. DISTRICT 9. DISTRICT 9." Ben peeks through the blinds to see that April is now standing on top of her desk, chanting loudly and firmly for her choice of best picture. Her boyfriend, Andy, is standing beside the desk in solidarity. He had been hiding under her desk to escape one of the councilmen he had accidentally insulted.

"Babe, is that the one with the house and the balloons?" He whispers to her. Normally he has perfect aural recall of films and their titles and their entire script, but the time he spent living in the pit on Lot 48 temporarily prevented him from catching up on all the feature films he was planning on seeing. If he'd had the money.

"No, it's the one with all the lizard aliens." Andy's eyes light up as comprehension dawns on him.

"Ohhh! Oh, I want that one to win," he grins. Jerry is just sitting at his desk, his hands covering his ears.

"Shh, I don't want any spoilers, Gale is taping it for me so I don't miss it when I'm working late tonight."

"Well, you should have thought of that before I decided to LIVE TWEET THE WHOLE THING!" Donna's now waving her phone in the air in a sign of defiance to Jerry's aversion to spoilers.

Ben turns back to Chris.

"Gee, I wonder what they'll do if they shut the Parks department down?" he asks his boss sarcastically. Chris gives him a solemn look.

"I hope you're joking, Ben. Those people out there have literally given their blood, sweat and tears for this job. Any cuts to the department would ruin their livelihoods, perhaps forever." Ben's pretty sure that only Chris has actually given all three to his job, but he doesn't contradict him. Instead he concedes a nod. He'll deliver the bad news once again. Ben almost, in a masochistic way, relishes the role of martyr that is constantly bestowed on him when Chris doesn't want to hurt the feelings of his employees.

"Okay, Chris." It's not that Ben _likes _to be the bad guy, but he's a realist. In the world of government, he knows that it's impossible to please everyone. Instead, he assumes that the choices their department makes will annoy most people, and is therefore pleasantly surprised when they work out better than expected. Or does that make him a pessimist? Whichever one it is, the attitude he holds towards his work is necessary for him to get any work done.

Or so he thought before he met Leslie Knope.


	2. Chapter 2

Ben is trying to catch his co-workers' attention in order to herd them into the conference room where Chris is already waiting. Chris has insisted that he will provide emotional support for Ben as he breaks the bad news. His task is proving difficult, however, as his co-workers are in the middle of what April calls a "dead tree drone massacre", another name for pelting Jerry with paper planes. Ben's unaware of what caused this undoubtedly unprovoked attack on Jerry, but he can ask questions later. He clears his throat loudly, but everyone else pays him no heed; paper is still flying across the room at unprecedented levels.

"For God's sake, I'm the deputy director of this department!" he mutters to himself before preparing himself to make an uncharacteristic move.

"HEY!" Ben shouts, and the room comes to a standstill. Every single person is staring at him in shock.

"You okay, boss?" Tom asks. His arm is frozen in the air, about to launch another strike on poor Jerry.

"EVERYBODY IN THE CONFERENCE ROOM NOW!" Ben no longer needs to shout, but he figures that while he has everyone's attention he may as well keep it up. Plus, he's not used to shouting, and he can't quite work out how to lower his voice back to a normal volume. Donna, Tom, April and Jerry all scarper into the conference room, where Chris is waiting, accompanied by another person.

"Andy, what are you doing here?" Ben asks as he closes the door behind him. He's relieved that his voice sounds more normal and less likely to deafen everyone.

"I heard you say that you wanted everyone in the conference room straight away, so I got here as quick as I could." Andy works as both a shoe-shiner and in the gift shop of City Hall. Both of his places of work are on the other side of City Hall, and his presence makes Ben perplexed.

"You heard me from all the way across City Hall? How did you get here so – okay, never mind." Ben has learned that it's better not to question the mystery of Andy Dwyer. Plus, he has bigger issues to attend to.

"Okay, everyone, the reason why we're having this meeting today is that we have to deliver some bad news." Ben pauses to gauge the reactions of his co-workers. Jerry is leaning forward attentively, looking rather worried. There's evidence of sweat on his brow, and Ben knows that he's worried about the livelihood of his wife and daughters. The way he's clutching his hands together tightly is nearly cutting off his own circulation to his fingers.

Donna is also looking at her boss expectantly, but it's out of impatience. She's leaning back in her chair, arms folded across her chest, but the expression on her face is one that Ben knows to translate as 'spit it out, Wyatt.'

April already isn't listening. She's doodling a rather extensive picture that is actually a remarkable likeness to Ben. And the Ben in the picture is – oh. The Ben in the picture is having his eyes pecked out by crows. Charming.

Tom is watching Ben, but his phone is in his hand and his hand is moving frantically as it composes a text. The way in which Tom doesn't need to even glance at his phone has Ben impressed.

Andy Dwyer has left the room. Instead, Bert Macklin is standing right next to Ben, mirroring his stance with both hands resting on the table.

"Andy, what are you doing?" 'Bert' pulls his sunglasses off his eyes dramatically.

"Bad news calls for bad cop. Bert Macklin, FBI, reporting for duty." April gives her boyfriend a thumbs up without even looking up from her picture.

"I really don't think that will be necessary. This is too low-brow for the FBI," The way in which Ben acknowledges Bert's existence has moved past being ironic and is now a normal part of life working in the Parks department.

"Point taken. Your move, boss." Technically speaking, Ben isn't Andy's boss, but he doesn't press the matter as Andy sits back down. Chris, who is sitting behind Ben, isn't bothered by the distraction. He just seems pleased to experience every single piece of life and joy that his employees bring into their daily lives as well as the department.

"Okay. So, the bad news is that Pawnee is being subject to a city-wide audit from state employees. They'll be looking into the city's expenses to see where they can make as many cuts as possible. That unfortunately means that they may be cutting jobs. So, in the case where that _might _happen, I want you all to be prepared for the possibility that not all of us will survive the cull."

"They're going to kill us?!" Andy leaps up and bolts from the room. Everyone else seems unfazed.

"Is that it?" Donna asks. Ben turns to Chris, confused. He had been expecting more panic. Chris smiles at him encouragingly. Ben turns back to Donna.

"Uh, yeah. Aren't you guys a little more concerned?"

"There's so much wastage and problems to get through that by the time they get to the Parks department they'll be too tired to bother fighting with us, and they'll just want to go home to Indianapolis." Is Donna right? Will that end up being the fate of the faceless, nameless auditors? Ben has kind of been hoping that the department would get all riled up and ready to fight for survival. What Donna is suggesting is far less anti-climatic, and the thought is deflating. He's been hoping that their outrage would help fuel his own.

If Ben's being completely honest with himself, he _wants _a shake-up. Chris is a great leader, but Ben has been feeling like he fails as a deputy director. He's a fantastic manager of the city's existing parks, but all the new projects come from Chris, or from Donna, Tom or even April. He feels like he brings nothing fresh to the department. Sometimes he feels like he just doesn't _fit._

************************************************************************

"Oh come on, Ben, you're a great deputy director." Ann Perkins says monotonously as she slowly works away at her fruit salad. She's Ben's lunch buddy – the pair of them met during a particularly busy morning at JJ's Diner when they were seated together due to the lack of tables. It started happening several times, to the point where if one of them got to the diner when it wasn't busy, the other would come and join them out of habit.

During the first few occasions, the pair of them would sit at the same table and eat their meal, not talking to each other. But the first time that Ann sat down across from Ben when there were plenty of free tables in the restaurant, Ben thought it prudent to introduce himself. They're now good friends.

"Wow, you sound so sincere," Ben replies, smiling from behind his cup of coffee.

"Ben, you _know _you're great at your job. You set such high standards for yourself, and you're always passing those standards with flying colours." Their friendship is a strange one. They only see each other at lunch time (admittedly, that's nearly every week day), and sometimes Ann wonders if they'd have met in any other circumstances whether they'd be friends. Or maybe it's because they're actually friends without any expectation of anything more intimate resulting from it. It's rare for Ann to have a male friend like that. She's on good terms with her ex-boyfriend Andy, but that's not the same.

"Any luck with Creeper McStalkerson getting barred from the hospital?" Ben swiftly changes the subject; talking about work for too long bums him out. Ann pretends to frown at him, as she knows what he's doing – but she allows the change in subject.

"No, they think it might be sleepwalking so until they prove otherwise, he's here to stay. But I do have a date tonight, so you might be getting a call from the police for being the last person to know my whereabouts if I disappear."

"Oh, good, because my plans were to spend the night alone watching Star Wars so I'll have a wonderful alibi," Ben remarks. Ann can't tell whether he sounds slightly resigned, or whether he's being matter-of-fact like he often is. She feels bad for him. He's a smart guy, dedicated and has his head firmly screwed on. She often wonders why he doesn't have a girlfriend. Then again, she only has to look back to her relationship with Andy to prove that those qualities that Ben has isn't always what girls look for in a guy. The two of them don't often talk about that sort of thing; it's relatively new territory despite the fact that they've been friends for several months now.

"Aww, you're not seeing anyone at the moment?" Ben shrugs a little dejectedly.

"My wives back in Utah wouldn't be so pleased about it," he deadpans. Ann can't help but smile.

"You know, for all you complain about your sarcastic co-workers, you're pretty darn sarcastic yourself," she points out. Ben sighs and leans forward, burying his face in his hands.

"Sorry, when I'm tired I get sarcastic. Normally when I have more energy I prefer to make stupid puns that everyone thinks is lame." Is he being serious? He suddenly snaps his head up in an epiphany.

"I finally understand stand-up comedians now," he marvels, his eyes wide. His eyes are so wide that Ann finally notices how red they are – it's the crazed look of a man who has had very little sleep. Ann stands up and slides into the booth next to Ben. Without pausing, she pulls a torch out of her purse and shines it into Ben's eyes.

"Hey! What are you doing?!" Ben yelps, flinching away from the light. Ann pulls his face back towards hers and continues examining his eyes closely.

"You are showing classic signs of sleep deprivation. I'm going to write you a note getting you out of work tomorrow. You should relax and not worry about work for once. It'll do you some good."

"No, please don't do that," Ben moans, "Work's the only important thing in my life right now." Ann drops her hands from Ben's face, unimpressed.

"Which is it, Wyatt? You hate your job, or it's the only thing you've got going for you?" She sounds offended. Rightly so, as she's been under the impression that their friendship was actually meaningful. The question is an unusually difficult one to answer. Ben Wyatt is normally the guy with all the answers, but for once, he's stumped. Does he really hate his job?

"You _are _important to me, I promise," Ben assures her. That part of the question he can answer. Ann doesn't know it, but on the days where he feels he's utterly worthless, he just has to think about lunch and he feels a bit of hope. Chris is a great friend to him as well, but there's always that employer-employee relationship that hinders that. Plus, it's nice to have friends that don't constantly remind him about the parks and the permits and all the other things that sap at his energy.

"Do I need to cancel my date?" Ann asks gently. Ben shakes his head wildly; the last thing he needs is to bring his friend down into his downward spiral.

"No, no, I'm fine. You have fun on your date! It'll be great!" He's forcing enthusiasm, but it's easier than Ann getting all worried about him. She watches him closely for a few seconds before she relents. Reaching into her purse again, she pulls out a piece of paper and a pen, scribbling a note on it and holds it out to him.

"Okay. But you must _promise_ me that you'll take this note and take the day off tomorrow. Can you do that?" Oh, how Ben wants to tell her 'no'; that at least going to work keeps his mind off how his life has no real purpose. But he owes it to Ann to at least give it a chance. Ben takes the piece of paper that Ann is holding out to him.

"Thank you," he says sincerely, and by the way Ann smiles at him, it's clear she knows that he's not just thanking her for the note.

"You look after yourself, okay?" Ben can't make any promises, but he'll certainly try.

**********************************************************

It's harder than Ben thought. He's been home for less than an hour, and already the night stretches on before him into infinity. He tries to convince himself that his day off tomorrow is just like a weekend, but that would be lying. Even on his weekends he's always busy doing paperwork, sometimes even in the office. He's the man that will double and triple check everything before it gets sent out to other departments and bodies. He's focused on work 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. His dreams are littered with problems and possible solutions. Not even his unconscious mind can escape the work he does.

He lives for his job, he really does. But the changes that the state auditors will bring are something that Ben perhaps has too much hope for. Any excuse for him to uproot, to try something new, to find what he really wants to do is very welcome. Ben doesn't mind the prospect of losing his job if it means that he's given a reason and motivation to start doing something different. As it is, he's currently sitting in his silent living room, staring at the wall. The darkness of the night slowly engulfs him, but his thoughts are so dark that he barely notices the difference.

As Ben finally climbs into his bed that night, just before midnight, he doesn't anticipate that the person he needs the most will be banging on his door in less than seven hours time.


	3. Chapter 3

The world is crashing down on him. Literally. Ben's surrounded by things falling off shelves, windows breaking, the most horrific low rumbling that he's ever heard. An earthquake? The only other earthquake he's experienced was a very minor one when he was visiting friends in California. This is more intense. Glass shatters as it hits the ground, and on several occasions very narrowly misses Ben's body as he shuffles through the room to the door. Surprisingly, the ground's not shaking, but still the low rumbling sound is almost louder than his thoughts, and something about the sound has all of Ben's hair standing on end. Perhaps it's a tornado? That would explain the fierce crashing sound that's coming from somewhere else inside the house. He peeks out into the hallway, and a black figure is fast approaching him, as the banging gets louder and louder until -

"Fuck." Ben's yanked from his nightmare by a banging at the front door. So that part IS real. He's shaking slightly from the intensity and vividness of the dream he just had, but whoever's at the door sounds rather urgent. It's not the first time that the black figure has appeared in his dreams, although the frequency of its appearance has increased lately, which is concerning.

He stumbles out of bed, his eyes still blurry from the slumber he's been so unceremoniously awoken from. It's not until he opens the door to a beaming blonde stranger that he realises he's only in a t-shirt and his boxers.

"Ben Wyatt!" The woman exclaims, and her eyes glance down to his lack of pants.

"Oh, my." She's not alone, either. Standing behind her is a surly looking man with a solid moustache, and his boss Chris. Ben immediately slams the door shut. He doesn't know what's going on, but he is wishing that he was back in his dream with the world imploding and the mysterious black figure. In that dream, there's no humiliation. Only terror.

The door knocks again. Why are they still here? Didn't they take the hint by him slamming the door in their face?

"If you need to put some pants on, we can wait," The woman calls from the other side of the door.

"_What are you doing here, it's seven in the morning_!" Ben calls back irritably. He's particularly pissed off with Chris, because Ben personally handed Ann's note to him and told him that he'd be taking a sick day.

"Ben, we're sorry to disturb you, but these kind people arrived this morning and when I told them that you were off on a sick day, they wanted to come round here straight away to make sure that you were okay." There's a grunt of dissent from the other side of the door, which Ben assumes is the man with the moustache.

"ARE YOU CONTAGIOUS? DO YOU HAVE PANTS ON YET?" The woman shouts from outside, which is mildly infuriating, as it's likely to get Ben into trouble with his neighbours. Ben is already in trouble often enough with people in the community for some of the decisions that the Parks department makes. Annoying guests at inane hours, however, is suicide. The homeowner's association that Ben is a part of sometimes verges on the totalitarian side when it comes to following the rules.

Oh, Christ. He's going to have to let them in. As he quickly finds more clothes to put on and make himself presentable, he realises that he's likely to break his promise to Ann. _And I've only just woken up._ With a sigh, he opens the door a second time to his guests.

"Please, come in." Chris and the woman simply beam at him as they enter (_is she another Chris?!_), but the moustached man frowns at him suspiciously. At least someone understands Ben's sarcasm in his welcome.

"Ben, these two wonderful people are Leslie Knope and Ron Swanson, our two state auditors," Chris introduces. Ben nods politely, and gestures to his living room.

"Shall I make coffee?" Chris pipes up. Leslie politely declines, Ben nods frantically, and Ron simply mutters something about "bean juice" and "commies and poets". Leslie and Ron are seated on the couch across from Ben. Both are impeccably dressed; Tom would be proud of their fashion sense. Yet somehow, Ben gets the vibe that the expensive-looking suit that Ron is wearing is not his first preference. Ron's mouth is invisible underneath his bushy moustache and his hard gaze, and he has no problem with staring Ben down without blinking.

Leslie's much easier on the eye. Her unbroken smile is at least comforting compared to Ron's expression. Once seated, she pulls out a briefcase and from it, two binders with the words _PAWNEE_ _PARKS AND RECREATION _emblazoned on top. She hands one of them to Ben.

"This binder that we have allocated for the Parks and Recreation department is empty right now, but we plan to fill it up with all the information about the department. There's one for you and Chris, and one for myself and Ron, and the four of us will be working together to come to solutions in the context of the city-wide budget." It's a little too early for Ben to be talking business, and his attention is instead drawn to the logo on the back of the binder.

"Wait, what's this?"

"Oh, that's the name of the accounting firm we work for. We're on retainer, but most of the time our work is all for the private sector," Leslie explains. She's still so _enthusiastic. _Ben is sure he's never seen a more enthusiastic accountant in his entire life.

"Yes, we're largely private citizens, not government employees," Ron adds firmly. Ben understands the subtext of Ron's words – government employees are abhorrent, and therefore so is Ben.

"Well, if you're on retainer, doesn't that technically mean you're always employed by the government?" _Technically. _The word that rolls off Ben's tongue with such ease. Part of the reason why he's so efficient at his civil servant job is because he can see straight through bullshit and get right to the facts of a matter. He has won many an argument with that word. He's often being told that he should be a lawyer with that attention to detail, but he wrinkles his nose at the thought every single time.

Leslie lets out a delighted laugh. "Ron, he's right! We ARE government employees." Ron's expression doesn't change, but Leslie stops laughing when she notices his face. Obviously she spots a warning sign, because she mutters an "uh-oh". That sounds dangerous. Surely Ron can't be that offended by the implication that he works for the government? As the hair on Ben's neck stands up, he realises that he doesn't want the answer to that question. Thankfully, Chris walks in with coffee, effectively breaking the ice.

"So, as guests to our wonderful town of Pawnee, how can Ben and I make your first day literally the best day of your life?" Chris asks of the auditors.

"Me? I told you I was taking a sick day today," Ben's trying to telepathically communicate how much he _really doesn't want to spend the day with these people who are going to wreck their system. _His 'telepathy' is basically the use of his eyebrows to convey subtext, but on this morning Chris is completely oblivious. __

"What's wrong with you?" Ron asks bluntly. Now there's a man who can convey subtext. Ron's asking about Ben's ailments, but Ben also knows that Ron also means about his personality in general. Or perhaps he's just being paranoid.

"Uh, I…allergies." It's a vague enough answer that it hopefully won't provoke too many questions.

"Is that why your eyes were so red and puffy last Friday evening when I left work?" Chris asks. On that occasion, Ben had actually been crying because he'd been rewatching the last episodes of Dollhouse, but Chris doesn't need to know that.

"Yeah. My doctor told me it's best that I avoid anything that might set them off." Ben mentally crosses his fingers that his boss will swallow his lie. For once he's grateful that he's the one who handles the personnel files in the office, or else his lie would fall through immediately.

"But you seem fine! We were hoping that the two of you could show us all the unique things your city has to offer," Leslie says hopefully. Ben's finding the idea of refusing her somehow far more difficult than refusing Chris.

"We won't make it stressful!" she adds. "We'll make sure to stop for anti-histamines, adrenaline, anything you need the minute you feel woozy."

"Ooh! I have the perfect vitamin supplement you can take that will alleviate symptoms!" Chris pipes up.

"Perfect!" Leslie exclaims. "Ben, you'll be good to go in no time!"

"Yes, you're not getting out of this that easily," Ron says, and for the first time that morning Ben realises that the two of them have something in common. And he's not exactly in a position to explain the full extent of his stress problems to people he barely knows (and Chris), so he concedes a defeated nod.

"Let the day of fun begin!"


	4. Chapter 4

Some day of fun. It's 8am, and Ben Wyatt is standing in the foyer of City Hall on his supposed day off. Leslie had _insisted _that before any other activity could begin that she had to see the "heart of the city". Heart? Perhaps a diseased, arrhythmic one that sometimes just forgets to work. But Ben forces himself to remember that Ron and Leslie need to have a positive view of the city, so that they are more likely to give the Parks Department what they need.

They're not off to a good start.

"What a wonderful mural! Is this about the tenacity of Pawnee citizens to overcome their differences and come together in times of hardship?" Ben winces. Leslie's asking about 'Wedding at Turbill Mansion', and her interpretation of the mural is far too optimistic. Chris looks as though he's desperate to lie to Leslie and put the most positive spin on the situation as possible.

"Leslie, what a wonderful way to look at it! That is literally the exact sort of image we want to portray Pawnee as for the future, and I am honoured that you already consider Pawnee in such a way…" His tone is a familiar one – he's left his sentence hanging. It's the cue for Ben to step in and take over.

"But unfortunately, almost everyone featured was killed after the events portrayed in the mural," Ben finishes. Ron lets out an appreciative chuckle, and Leslie looks a little taken aback.

"This is 'Wedding at Turnbill Mansion'?" Wait, she _knows _about the events of the wedding? Her shocked blue eyes are suddenly cloudy with comprehension as the weight of the history sinks in. It's clear that she's done her homework about this town, as a large majority of even Pawnee's citizens wouldn't be able to explain the mural.

"Yes, I'm afraid that is the infamous 'Wedding' mural. It's a tragic but important part of our history," Chris admits. Ben's glad that Chris has figured that it would be bad to completely lie about Pawnee and give the auditors a false impression of the city they're about to tear to shreds. Especially when they seem to know all the ins and outs of Pawnee before even being told about them.

Leslie's previously sunny expression is now so solemn that Ben wants to take her mind off the mural that she's gazing at so sadly. She reminds Ben of a puppy that someone has abandoned. Her lip is jutting out slightly in a little pout, and her mouth is distinctly turned downwards.

"I'd read about what happened, and I'd been hoping that it was just a myth. What's the next one?" Oh God. The next mural is aptly named 'Eating the Reverend' and that's bound to prompt some awkward and uncomfortable questions. It's Ron and Leslie's first day in Pawnee, and shoving them head-first into one of the darkest parts of Pawnee's history isn't the best idea.

If Leslie happens to ask about it before she sees the mural itself, Ben's prepared with a spiel about how it's merely a gruesome metaphor for Pawnee's obesity epidemic. The mural, despite being accessible to any member of the public who visits City Hall, is carefully withheld from all brochures and websites talking about Pawnee. There's a secret faction of City Hall whose sole job is to keep quiet certain parts of Pawnee's history.

"You know what, why don't we go and visit the Parks and Recreation department instead?" Chris improvises wildly, changing the subject. "Everyone's dying to meet you." That's a bit of a stretch, but anything is better than the graphic and incriminating murals that plaster the walls of City Hall. The four of them turn around, but not before Ron squints suspiciously at the walls beyond 'Wedding at Turnbill Mansion' and whispers something to Leslie. Ben glances sideways at the two of them as they walk down the hallway. His concerns about the mural are short-lived, however, when they arrive at the Parks department. The blinds over the windows to the department are closed, which is highly unusual. What's more, Ben can hear voices that he is certain do not belong to any of his co-workers within the department. Chris' face is wearing the same expression of alarm that Ben is feeling. Something untoward is occurring inside the office.

"Oh, no," Chris mutters as he reaches out and touches the door handle as if he's in a house on fire and he's checking the temperature. His hand grips the door handle, but he makes no move to actually open the door. In that moment, Ben realises that there weren't actually blinds on the front doors the day before. Some sneaky person (people?) has certainly made an effort to conceal their identity.

"Come on, son, we don't have all day. Are you going to show us your department, or shall we leave to go do something productive?" Ron presses irritably. Chris starts explaining the situation in German Sign Language so as not to alert the people inside of their presence. He must

"Ooh, charades? I'm great at this game! Okay…four? Is that a hut?...At least put your whole body into the charades, am I right Ben?" Leslie nudges Ben playfully with her elbow. Chris hushes her urgently, and continues to sign frantically. If Ben were in a better mood, he would gladly translate for Leslie and Ron, but he's not feeling particularly eager to move things along. Something about the unusual situation makes Ben sense that he's not going to enjoy whatever they will encounter in the office.

Ron's looking rather annoyed with Chris' display (already Ben's beginning to notice the slightest nuances of Ron's expressions), and he shakes his head impatiently. Ben suspects that if the day continues on in this fashion, they're not all going to make it out alive. After another 30 seconds of fruitless signing, Chris finally gives in to spoken language.

"There are strangers in the office who have deliberately hidden their identity from us, and it could be a security risk," Chris hisses. Leslie gasps and turns to Ron, who doesn't share her shock. Ben bites back the suggestion to summon Bert Macklin to investigate. It's quickly apparent that Bert Macklin isn't required, however, when Ron marches straight into the office with immense authority.

"Oh, look, it's people. Sitting at desks. How dangerous," Ron says sarcastically, waving a hand round the office. The people who are in the office aren't as innocuous as Ron realises, however. Not a single one of the six people already present belong to the Parks department. As Leslie follows Ron into the office, she doesn't notice how Ben and Chris are rooted to the spot, somewhat paralyzed with discomfort. Neither of them wish to deal with who's inside the office.

But as it's Chris' job as department head to act as a representative of their office and his staff, he thaws out and enters the office, a big smile on his face.

"Well, what do you know, it looks like the entire Events department is here to greet us this morning!"

Events. If childish snobbery was to take form of a department, it would be the Events Department. Ben loathes them with a passion for a number of reasons. For starters, they're experts at getting the higher-ups to divert Parks funding for their own ventures. They used to be part of the Parks department, but they broke off a couple of years ago after some controversial issues arose amongst the staff. Not to mention, they're downright mean.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Christopher Robin and his sidekick, Benjy Bummer." The head of the Events department (although they prefer to be known as the 'Events Team'), Kristen Holt, slips off April's desk and glides across the floor towards them. Kristen is essentially the antithesis to Chris – she's beautiful and extremely intelligent, but innately evil. Or at least, she certainly acts that way around the staff of the Parks department.

"Kristen Holt, such a pleasure it is to see you this morning." Even Chris is having difficulty masking his contempt for Kristen. Of course, the contempt is only recognizable to those like Ben who are trained to spot it. For all Ron and Leslie are aware, Chris is being extremely polite and courteous.

"Chris, it's highly impolite of you not to introduce your guests to us," Kristen replies sweetly, smiling broadly at Leslie and Ron. Ben's suspiciously eyeing Curtis Vincent, second in command. Curtis has a leer on his face that could be mistaken for a friendly smile. But the way he sinisterly sits, twirling ever so slowly in Ben's chair is an unmistakeable sign that it's meant to be a threatening gesture.

"Of course, my sincere apologies. Ron, Leslie, this is Kristen Holt, head of Pawnee's Events department. And these are the other members: Curtis, Dominic, Abbey, Julie and Todd."

"Most of your names are so similar to the names of the Parks department, was that deliberate?" Leslie asks enthusiastically. Chris and Kristen look to each other and both recoil slightly.

"No, that's a strange coincidence. But the two teams are very similar in a number of different ways. The Events Team and the Parks and Recreation department have collaborated on many projects together in the past. To help your transition into Pawnee, we've put on a breakfast for the two of you in a long line of exciting plans for the day to introduce you to our town. Please, leave it all to us," Kristen replies smoothly, giving another disgusted glance in Ben's direction.

Ben knows exactly what she's doing. The Events Team are trying to schmooze Leslie and Ron in the hopes that their budget won't be slashed. The Parks department is often unfairly compared to Events, and Parks rarely comes out on top. He suddenly feels very protective of Ron and Leslie, despite the fact he was plotting ways to send them back to Indianapolis not an hour before. But he will not lose them to Events.

"Actually, we already had some plans for Mr Swanson and Ms Knope lined up, Kristen. You can meet up with them once they begin the audit."

"Oh, but Mr Wyatt, we already have the banquet prepared. It would be such a terrible waste if they weren't to attend, especially if it's in their honour. You don't want to waste time and resources, do you, Benjy?" Oh, she's good. The word 'banquet' has piqued Ron's interest, and finally he actually appears to be looking forward to something.

"A banquet? What an excellent idea. Leslie, are you up for it?" Ron asks of his co-worker. For the first time that morning, Leslie looks slightly apprehensive. She glances from Ben to Chris before answering Ron.

"Well, don't you think we should go with what we originally planned with Chris and Ben? It seems unfair to cancel their plans in favour of these new plans." Ben can't help but smile at Leslie. She might end up being sympathetic to the plight of the Parks department. She truly seems like a good, honest person in spite of her job and her current task.

"Ms Knope, I can assure you that Chris will be far more productive and resourceful if he lets me take over the reins and show you the town. Our team are experts, and we're far better suited to ensuring that you receive a full, informative orientation." Well, Ron and Leslie can hardly say no to that. They accept Kristen's offer, and the Events Team all stand up, ready to launch into full swing. It pains Ben slightly that the whole of Events are up and ready to go, when he knows that his own co-workers will slowly straggle in still half asleep later on in the morning.

"Ben's on a personal day, so he'll go with you," Chris says firmly to Kristen. Curtis lets out a snort, but no-one protests. That indicates that they don't see him as a threat, which automatically offends Ben. Chris is once again using German Sign Language to Ben, instructing Ben on what he is to do. It's a plan to make the Parks department look far better than Kristen's team.

Truthfully, Chris is more suited to the job, but they cannot appear wasteful to the auditors, and Ben will earn extra brownie points for attending on his day off. Plus, despite Ben's ambivalence towards his job, the Events Team inspires a spark of competition in him. He's not going to leave the Parks department until he's sure that Events won't swoop in and eat the remains.

"We're going to have such a great time!" Leslie says to Ben. He's not so sure about that. But what he is sure about is that he's going to have plenty to tell Ann at lunch. Ann'll be upset to see that he directly violated her instruction, but she'll be pleased to hear that he's prepared to fight for the approval of Leslie and Ron for the sake of his department. The trick will be doing so without seeming like he's sucking up to them.

When Kristen leads them out into the hallway, asking Ron "Did they show you the mural 'Eating the Reverend'?" Ben knows for certain that this is war. He's too busy focussing on his battle strategy to notice Leslie whisper to Ron.

"_I'm not sure what you're thinking, but I like these guys. This town ain't gonna be like the others."_

* * *

**A/N: I created the Events Team as a way of providing a third source of conflict between Leslie and Ron, and the Parks department. There's nothing like heightened stakes! And hopefully they'll provide conflicts for everyone in more than just professional ways...**


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